Food for Thought

I’d like to say that I have lost another half of a pound! Which is one whole pound gone forever. And it is not going to show its face on this body again. As much as I want to be posting big numbers if this is what I need to do to meet my goals and it takes me a year or more, well then that’s my way.

I worked out today and it’s always amazes me how good it feels to sweat. Okay so the sad news about this working out today is that I worked out on the elliptical machine for one hour. Which is really good for me, I normally give up after half an hour. But I only made it 4.5 miles. In one hour. That’s not good time. I think I am going to make that one of the goals for myself. I’d like to be able to run/work the elliptical for 10 minute miles. I’m not sure what machine is harder but I think it’s a lofty goal that is obtainable. And I could of pushed my self more but I didn’t I was just trying to last for the hour. Let’s see 4.5 are about what 1.something miles for every 15 minutes? All I have to do is shave off 5 minutes. After writing that out I know what’s harder, running. At least right now I will keep that same goal for running. I’m ready let’s get this started!

I have been debating over how and even if I wanted to share this and I think that it help me at least to know what’s going on in my head and what’s going on with the weight issue.

Last Friday night I went out to dinner with my hubby and his brother & a close friend. To set the stage I was the week before TOM and I’ve worked for over a week and a half with one day off. I was tired and grumpy. The hubby and I spent the day together and then we went to hang out at his brother’s place in the city. Oh and all we had to eat the whole day was breakfast, eggs and toast. We planned on just hanging out in the apt and getting a pizza or something so I was dressed comfy like, not going out like. And they decided to go out. We get to the Mexican place, order and get our food pretty fast. (Mind you I am feeling pretty out of place with everyone dressed well, but me.) You know how big the plates of food are, I eat almost everything on the plate and I don’t even want to know how fast. I’ve never felt that way before, when my hubby noticed I eat everything I jumped down his back, he told me not to get so defensive. And then the friend said yeah I noticed you didn’t have much to say throughout dinner. I’ve never had that feeling inside of me before. Yes I turn to food to feel better and yeah I probably did have a right to be famished but it was unlike anything I’ve ever done. And the food did not make me forget about the fact that I was not dressed as I would have liked, it didn’t fix the weirdness from hanging out with the friend (untold story that I will not get into). I still felt the same toward those things and worse as a person. I cannot have food be running my life like that; I never want to feel those emotions that I felt. Embarrassed is the nicest way of putting it, mortified, humiliated, self-conscious…all words that only help to describe what I felt. Maybe this will help others face their eating problem, I never thought I had an eating problem and maybe I don’t but if I don’t then I am right up there on the fence swinging my legs over the side. Food is intended for us to live, not for us to live for food.

I’m in this to get healthy, to live a long life, to give my kids (when I have them) a long healthy life as well.