The meaning of the word ASHAMED

a·shamed (ə-shāmd') adj.

1.Feeling shame or guilt:
2.Feeling inferior, inadequate, or embarrassed: .
3.Reluctant through fear of humiliation or shame:

[Middle English, from Old English āsceamod, past participle of āsceamian, to feel shame : ā-, intensive pref. + sceamian, to feel shame.]ashamedly a·sham'ed·ly (ə-shā'mĭd-lē) adj.

I am ashamed.

Ashamed that for some reason I eat junk and think it's okay I'll be good tomorrow. And tomorrow comes and goes and I am still not eating right.

Ashamed that I'd rather sleep then workout. Day after day.

Ashamed that I feel like I have not only let readers down, but my sisters and most importantly myself, over my lack of comitment.

Ashamed that yes this just might be another year of the ugly black swimsuit. And pink boardshorts.

Ashamed that I fell in love with running and have let running down.

Ashamed that I have yet again failed on a diet...even if I called it a life style change.

Running vs. Walking

So the first race on my list has come and gone. And I did not run. Nope. Not me. I don't know why sticking with running is such a hard thing for me. Maybe it will get easier once it warms up! I am also getting to realize that maybe running is not for me. WHAT??? GASP! Let me explain, running is hard for me in the fact that I am overly blessed in the ummm can I say the upper region of my body?! And that hurts, the bouncing. All I need is a really good bra I know, but I hate buying new clothes with losing weight. It seems like a waste of $50 to $65 bucks to me. But then I remember what it did feel like to run and maybe it is for me. Maybe I'm just not a every-weekend-running-in-a-race-wearing-running-tights-type of girl. Not yet anyway. I am trying to be more open with the possibilities that are out there. I still am going to am for running the Disney Marathon and we see about the Nike Women Half-Marathon. I think I might of been trying to get to the finish line the race before it has even really started, because I do love running, well I love where running will take me.
In thinking about this lately I've kept going back to something I've wanted to do for a while now. Walking the Appalachian Trail. I know that this is something I want to do. I'm a little scared about going myself, and I've not done enough backpacking to really know what I am doing by myself. But I am in a time crunch. My Husband will be graduating from college this December, and getting a more permanent job. So we'll be more settled and well...maybe kids? Since it takes a while to walk 2000 miles, you can't really do this and have a little one at home. And you can only hike it at a set time each year to make it from one end to the next. March is ideal for hiking it from the south up to the north which means that I have one year to get ready and make up my mind. Help me! What do you think? I really want to do it... And I do have a year to get ready. It will just take a whole lot of dedication and determination to accomplish this. But it is something I want and think it's something that I need to do. I need to walk 2000 miles. Am I crazy?