I had a wonderful weekend, a clam slow paced weekend. We went to a Doc Watson concert, and I was amazed! I really wasn't sure if I would like it, he's REAL bluegrass/country. But it was shocking, he is 84 years old and he is still touring and playing the guitar like it's no ones business. And did I mention that it's just him the guitar and his voice? He had his grandsons come out and play a few songs with him but for the most part that is it. It was a cold night, and we walked to the theater, past blocks and blocks of some of the most beautiful houses I've ever seen. I'm really in love with the old craftsmen look and that's for the most part what they were. And the crunching of the fall leafs on the sidewalk as we walked. It was perfect. I've never had any of this were I grew up. No sidewalks, no neighbors, nothing. I just feel so lucky. So then we spent the night at J's, woke up and watched football, and I got to drive around the neighborhood some and see things (yes it was still amazing!) in the fall colors at day time. And then we went home, hung out with each other, I love the hubby. And then the next day we had a wonderful round of golf with J and his brother and the hubby and me. I am still in much need of improvement. But again it was a WONDERFUL day with lots of color and good talks and everyone played well. We had dinner and drove to J's house he played the guitar and sang while I kicked the hubby's butt in poker. Ahh the good times. It was nice to just have a fun packed but very chill weekend. And for me this is all new things and this is my life now. It's pretty great.
It's kinda like I am avoiding the weight talk. Well I am. I think it is very clear that I cannot just think about sticking with the WW plan. I'm thinking about re-joining. I need to be very clear about what I am eating and how much points are gone or left. I even bought a notebook to track myself and I haven't. I did say I would give myself two months. So I just need to try harder. I also have decided that I am going to do a run. It's the 5k/10k Shamrock N' Roll here in Atlanta. My goal is to run in under 30 minutes. So I've got a lot of room for improvement. And my reward would be a running skirt and a cute top to run in. Maybe a green wig? This could be really fun! And it's something real to work toward. Which is what I think I need. An obtainable goal that I can see and feel.
Later in the day....
So I worked out...I ran/walked 2 miles in 26 minutes. 13 minute miles is not so bad, but when you think that I really could of pushed myself but didn't. I am disappointed in myself, but pleased that at least I can run/walk 2 miles. As sad as that sounds I know. Little joys, little steps.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Living Apart
There was an article in November’s issue of SELF that I found really interesting and it’s something that I have really been thinking about.
It was called “The Joy of Living Apart”. For some couples, a little distance is the key to closeness.
It sounded like something that I would enjoy after all I am gone A LOT with my job and yet strangely enough it has brought us closer. Our situation is unique in our circle of friends and it makes me feel like the odd man sometimes. For those that don’t know being a Flight Attendant I am gone three to four nights a week, sometimes more. So I get all excited and buy the magazine before one of my flights and after snack & drink service I get my 1 liter bottle of unsweet tea and get ready to be inspired about another couples challenges. Well it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. It’s about one couple (the author & her hubby) and the fact that they do not live together and have two kids and are madly in love. Yep I did say all that in one shot. They live in New York both have amazing apartments and their own lives. There are yin and yang, black & white, summer & fall….get it? And then when she had the boys they still didn’t move in, it all sounded really weird to me. I mean he did spend 3 to 4 nights with her and he was home every night for dinner and left when the boys were sleeping. So it’s not like he wasn’t around. It was just something SO different that what I’ve ever heard of. Why wouldn’t you want to spend every waking moment with the one you love that much? What about waking up with them in the morning? Or watching them sleep? Or the bad times even… Then I thought about it. That’s how we live, that’s how much time I have with my own hubby. And honestly I do really well with things when I am on the road vs. at home. Let’s see, I have a routine down when I am gone, down to what I eat, how I get ready, general taking care of myself, I work out (sometimes!). And one thing that really is great is that when I go out into the towns we stay at I get to explore things at my own pace and things that I enjoy. The more I thought about it the more I was just like her, I like having my own time, my own space I guess you could call it. I had to put the magazine down for a minute; this is not me is it? Then I started thinking about the future, what is going to happen when I have babies? Will I be able to stay at home? Will I be able to bring that side of me into our home? Will I want to live in separate homes? (No way!) Will I get bored? Yikes that’s a lot of ‘will I’s?’ I’m really new at all this independent stuff and I love it, but it’s finding that balance of independence and neediness because in case you don’t know when it comes to the hubby I play the needy card. I like to be babied. Ugh.
So the short end of the story is that I did relate to her, even when I thought it was something odd. I think everyone has a part of them that wants things their own way, but all people have different ways of relating that need with each other. And maybe this time away that I get will teach me to be a better person to myself with the husband and in turn it will make me a better wife and mother (again…one day). Because that is something I do really believe in, moms need something to call their own. They need “me” time in order to be the best that they could be. I guess I am just in the training wheel stages, I thought I couldn’t go a night without the love of my life, but it’s kind of nice sometimes just going to bed when I want. Hee-hee. Now I really need to slowly start applying the way I live out on trips into the way I live at home.
Who says that you can’t learn things from magazines?
It was called “The Joy of Living Apart”. For some couples, a little distance is the key to closeness.
It sounded like something that I would enjoy after all I am gone A LOT with my job and yet strangely enough it has brought us closer. Our situation is unique in our circle of friends and it makes me feel like the odd man sometimes. For those that don’t know being a Flight Attendant I am gone three to four nights a week, sometimes more. So I get all excited and buy the magazine before one of my flights and after snack & drink service I get my 1 liter bottle of unsweet tea and get ready to be inspired about another couples challenges. Well it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. It’s about one couple (the author & her hubby) and the fact that they do not live together and have two kids and are madly in love. Yep I did say all that in one shot. They live in New York both have amazing apartments and their own lives. There are yin and yang, black & white, summer & fall….get it? And then when she had the boys they still didn’t move in, it all sounded really weird to me. I mean he did spend 3 to 4 nights with her and he was home every night for dinner and left when the boys were sleeping. So it’s not like he wasn’t around. It was just something SO different that what I’ve ever heard of. Why wouldn’t you want to spend every waking moment with the one you love that much? What about waking up with them in the morning? Or watching them sleep? Or the bad times even… Then I thought about it. That’s how we live, that’s how much time I have with my own hubby. And honestly I do really well with things when I am on the road vs. at home. Let’s see, I have a routine down when I am gone, down to what I eat, how I get ready, general taking care of myself, I work out (sometimes!). And one thing that really is great is that when I go out into the towns we stay at I get to explore things at my own pace and things that I enjoy. The more I thought about it the more I was just like her, I like having my own time, my own space I guess you could call it. I had to put the magazine down for a minute; this is not me is it? Then I started thinking about the future, what is going to happen when I have babies? Will I be able to stay at home? Will I be able to bring that side of me into our home? Will I want to live in separate homes? (No way!) Will I get bored? Yikes that’s a lot of ‘will I’s?’ I’m really new at all this independent stuff and I love it, but it’s finding that balance of independence and neediness because in case you don’t know when it comes to the hubby I play the needy card. I like to be babied. Ugh.
So the short end of the story is that I did relate to her, even when I thought it was something odd. I think everyone has a part of them that wants things their own way, but all people have different ways of relating that need with each other. And maybe this time away that I get will teach me to be a better person to myself with the husband and in turn it will make me a better wife and mother (again…one day). Because that is something I do really believe in, moms need something to call their own. They need “me” time in order to be the best that they could be. I guess I am just in the training wheel stages, I thought I couldn’t go a night without the love of my life, but it’s kind of nice sometimes just going to bed when I want. Hee-hee. Now I really need to slowly start applying the way I live out on trips into the way I live at home.
Who says that you can’t learn things from magazines?
Monday, November 12, 2007
Food for Thought
I’d like to say that I have lost another half of a pound! Which is one whole pound gone forever. And it is not going to show its face on this body again. As much as I want to be posting big numbers if this is what I need to do to meet my goals and it takes me a year or more, well then that’s my way.
I worked out today and it’s always amazes me how good it feels to sweat. Okay so the sad news about this working out today is that I worked out on the elliptical machine for one hour. Which is really good for me, I normally give up after half an hour. But I only made it 4.5 miles. In one hour. That’s not good time. I think I am going to make that one of the goals for myself. I’d like to be able to run/work the elliptical for 10 minute miles. I’m not sure what machine is harder but I think it’s a lofty goal that is obtainable. And I could of pushed my self more but I didn’t I was just trying to last for the hour. Let’s see 4.5 are about what 1.something miles for every 15 minutes? All I have to do is shave off 5 minutes. After writing that out I know what’s harder, running. At least right now I will keep that same goal for running. I’m ready let’s get this started!
I have been debating over how and even if I wanted to share this and I think that it help me at least to know what’s going on in my head and what’s going on with the weight issue.
Last Friday night I went out to dinner with my hubby and his brother & a close friend. To set the stage I was the week before TOM and I’ve worked for over a week and a half with one day off. I was tired and grumpy. The hubby and I spent the day together and then we went to hang out at his brother’s place in the city. Oh and all we had to eat the whole day was breakfast, eggs and toast. We planned on just hanging out in the apt and getting a pizza or something so I was dressed comfy like, not going out like. And they decided to go out. We get to the Mexican place, order and get our food pretty fast. (Mind you I am feeling pretty out of place with everyone dressed well, but me.) You know how big the plates of food are, I eat almost everything on the plate and I don’t even want to know how fast. I’ve never felt that way before, when my hubby noticed I eat everything I jumped down his back, he told me not to get so defensive. And then the friend said yeah I noticed you didn’t have much to say throughout dinner. I’ve never had that feeling inside of me before. Yes I turn to food to feel better and yeah I probably did have a right to be famished but it was unlike anything I’ve ever done. And the food did not make me forget about the fact that I was not dressed as I would have liked, it didn’t fix the weirdness from hanging out with the friend (untold story that I will not get into). I still felt the same toward those things and worse as a person. I cannot have food be running my life like that; I never want to feel those emotions that I felt. Embarrassed is the nicest way of putting it, mortified, humiliated, self-conscious…all words that only help to describe what I felt. Maybe this will help others face their eating problem, I never thought I had an eating problem and maybe I don’t but if I don’t then I am right up there on the fence swinging my legs over the side. Food is intended for us to live, not for us to live for food.
I’m in this to get healthy, to live a long life, to give my kids (when I have them) a long healthy life as well.
I worked out today and it’s always amazes me how good it feels to sweat. Okay so the sad news about this working out today is that I worked out on the elliptical machine for one hour. Which is really good for me, I normally give up after half an hour. But I only made it 4.5 miles. In one hour. That’s not good time. I think I am going to make that one of the goals for myself. I’d like to be able to run/work the elliptical for 10 minute miles. I’m not sure what machine is harder but I think it’s a lofty goal that is obtainable. And I could of pushed my self more but I didn’t I was just trying to last for the hour. Let’s see 4.5 are about what 1.something miles for every 15 minutes? All I have to do is shave off 5 minutes. After writing that out I know what’s harder, running. At least right now I will keep that same goal for running. I’m ready let’s get this started!
I have been debating over how and even if I wanted to share this and I think that it help me at least to know what’s going on in my head and what’s going on with the weight issue.
Last Friday night I went out to dinner with my hubby and his brother & a close friend. To set the stage I was the week before TOM and I’ve worked for over a week and a half with one day off. I was tired and grumpy. The hubby and I spent the day together and then we went to hang out at his brother’s place in the city. Oh and all we had to eat the whole day was breakfast, eggs and toast. We planned on just hanging out in the apt and getting a pizza or something so I was dressed comfy like, not going out like. And they decided to go out. We get to the Mexican place, order and get our food pretty fast. (Mind you I am feeling pretty out of place with everyone dressed well, but me.) You know how big the plates of food are, I eat almost everything on the plate and I don’t even want to know how fast. I’ve never felt that way before, when my hubby noticed I eat everything I jumped down his back, he told me not to get so defensive. And then the friend said yeah I noticed you didn’t have much to say throughout dinner. I’ve never had that feeling inside of me before. Yes I turn to food to feel better and yeah I probably did have a right to be famished but it was unlike anything I’ve ever done. And the food did not make me forget about the fact that I was not dressed as I would have liked, it didn’t fix the weirdness from hanging out with the friend (untold story that I will not get into). I still felt the same toward those things and worse as a person. I cannot have food be running my life like that; I never want to feel those emotions that I felt. Embarrassed is the nicest way of putting it, mortified, humiliated, self-conscious…all words that only help to describe what I felt. Maybe this will help others face their eating problem, I never thought I had an eating problem and maybe I don’t but if I don’t then I am right up there on the fence swinging my legs over the side. Food is intended for us to live, not for us to live for food.
I’m in this to get healthy, to live a long life, to give my kids (when I have them) a long healthy life as well.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Black nails
So I tried the trend, I did. Maybe a little late but that's just how I was feeling about the color of paint on my finger nails. I am a french tip kinda girl, no real color, so black well it took me a while. And I can't say I am yet a fan. I wish I had my camera so I could show them to you. I'm just not sure...I think I have already smudged one, two, three...yeah three nails. Huh...
SO I've been thinking about joining Weight Watchers again, I feel like that is the one way that I really lose the weight. But I really do not want to spend all that money again. I don't know what to do...What if I just made a deal and I try to count up all my points for the next two months, and if I do good then I keep doing it, however if I need help then I will re-join. I feel like I am not eating enough veggies and meat. And I still need to work out...and make it more of something of an excape from life. A place to think... We'll see how good I can do when I get home. Since that is my weak spot. Home=Husband=Boose.
I wish I had more to say....... Sorry for the dull post..... I just wanted to get out there.
Smiles to ya'll!
SO I've been thinking about joining Weight Watchers again, I feel like that is the one way that I really lose the weight. But I really do not want to spend all that money again. I don't know what to do...What if I just made a deal and I try to count up all my points for the next two months, and if I do good then I keep doing it, however if I need help then I will re-join. I feel like I am not eating enough veggies and meat. And I still need to work out...and make it more of something of an excape from life. A place to think... We'll see how good I can do when I get home. Since that is my weak spot. Home=Husband=Boose.
I wish I had more to say....... Sorry for the dull post..... I just wanted to get out there.
Smiles to ya'll!
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Skinny Latte Girl where are you?!?
I have something to admit to… I read tons of blogs and I am always exploring new sites and reading about peoples stories. But I hardly ever leave comments. I’m not really sure why, I think I feel silly after reading about their personal life, and then commenting as if I new them…It feels a little weird to me. That being said, there is one blog in particular that I love. I found her blog pretty much on a day like today, I got done with work early so I am at the hotel all day, there’s nothing on TV worth spending my time on so I am on the web a lot (at least when it’s raining and I cannot go outside!). I really have no idea how I found her page but I read the latest post and I knew that she had a story to tell. And I had to know it, so I started reading the oldest posts first so I could get the whole story. And it was so good, not only was she an amazing writer I felt like I knew her and was right there with her as she was losing weight. She always had good insight, was encouraging, and she made it. She did it. And that’s all I know. Her blog site was down and hasn’t come back up. I feel like I am in the middle of an amazing novel and I have no idea how it ends. Does she get to travel? How does she maintain the weight loss? Has she? My hubby as dear as he is didn’t understand my freaking out when I couldn’t get her site up. The thing that is really sad is that I never let her know I was a reader, I never told her that she is my inspiration this time around. I wish I could tell her that…and maybe she has copies of her blog?!?! If anyone out there knows Skinny Latte Girl…please let me know how I can get in touch with her. I feel like I lost a friend. It also made me realize that I need to tell people that affect my life how grateful I am. And let those out there whose blogs I read know that I read them and am very thankful for them. Lesson learned.
As far as the past week went it was okay, I did lose half a pound. Which is weight gone. But I know I can do better. I had a bad day as far as food; well it was really the drinking that did it. We went to a Ban Harper concert and things got pretty crazy. And then we went out afterwards to the bars…oh dear. It was at the FOX Theater in Atlanta and the theater was out of this world! I’ve never seen anything like it before; it looks like something out of the Egyptian times. The roof was even painted to look like the night sky, complete with lights as stars. My camera had broken on the way over other wise I would post pictures of the night. Maybe it’s a good thing after how crazy it got. Those boys need to get the drinking under control! We aren’t in college anymore. But it was a FUN night. It’s really great to do things with couples. I feel like I am playing grown up sometimes, hanging out in the city going to the theater. I’m living the life I thought I would live once I lost weight, funny huh? I just could be happier in my own skin when I lose the weight, and I could be wearing cutier things.
Well I should take my nap (I got up REALLY early) and then go to the hotel gym…they also have a suanna…nothing sounds better to me right now.
Have a good day everyone! And if you are in New York right now, is it really snowing? Is that snow I see?
As far as the past week went it was okay, I did lose half a pound. Which is weight gone. But I know I can do better. I had a bad day as far as food; well it was really the drinking that did it. We went to a Ban Harper concert and things got pretty crazy. And then we went out afterwards to the bars…oh dear. It was at the FOX Theater in Atlanta and the theater was out of this world! I’ve never seen anything like it before; it looks like something out of the Egyptian times. The roof was even painted to look like the night sky, complete with lights as stars. My camera had broken on the way over other wise I would post pictures of the night. Maybe it’s a good thing after how crazy it got. Those boys need to get the drinking under control! We aren’t in college anymore. But it was a FUN night. It’s really great to do things with couples. I feel like I am playing grown up sometimes, hanging out in the city going to the theater. I’m living the life I thought I would live once I lost weight, funny huh? I just could be happier in my own skin when I lose the weight, and I could be wearing cutier things.
Well I should take my nap (I got up REALLY early) and then go to the hotel gym…they also have a suanna…nothing sounds better to me right now.
Have a good day everyone! And if you are in New York right now, is it really snowing? Is that snow I see?
Friday, November 02, 2007
Clean the slate...
Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Susie; I lost 20 pounds with Weight Watchers last fall. And then I gained back 12 pounds this summer. If you were to look in the Dictionary under yo-yo dieter, my face is the one that you would see. And my past posts would be what you would read.
But do you know what the best part about a yo-yo is? You can wrap the yo-yo back up and the put it down on the shelf. And stop the madness. It’s really that simple. And maybe just maybe this will be my time.
SO I am back, slowly and one meal, one snack, and one day at a time. And slowly the semi good days will be better and then they will great days, which will turn into weeks, and then yep months and onto years. It kills me to think about how far I had gone and I just turned around and went back to the old me. I couldn’t say NO. If I could have stuck with it I would be at my goal weight buying new winter clothes. Not wondering what I am going to wear when it gets colder.
When I was 16 I was probably slightly over weight. But I was confident in myself, and I liked who I was, even if I thought then that I needed to lose 20 pounds. What happened to that girl? When I moved I didn’t know anyone, and I was VERY lonely. And as I have learned when I get lonely I eat. And I did and I gained 25 pounds! And I became someone I didn’t know, someone that wasn’t me. I like to do new things and do crazy things. My husband lives a full life everyday and attacks everything 110% with whatever he is faced with. I was there once right along side him, now I lag behind and worry about what I look like, if I could really do it, could I hold my weight, could it hold me? These questions all go through my mind. I miss me. I’ve read from other weight lose bloggers out there about the confidence and strength that they found as they lost weight. I’m looking forward to seeing how strong I can be, and what it will take of me to get healthy for good. And everything that I will learn about myself on the way, it’s going to be a long road. It didn’t take 6 months to put on the weight on; it’s defiantly not going to be that easy to take it off. I have to re-train myself about the way that I think about me, life, food, and what really matters. It’s a self discovery road. If you ever looked out the window on a plane 30,000 ft above ground, you’d see millions of roads, trails, paths all leading to somewhere. I just have to find the one that leads me to me again.
I’m not feeling sorry for myself any more. This is the time.
Thanks for being the ear. Goodnight all.
But do you know what the best part about a yo-yo is? You can wrap the yo-yo back up and the put it down on the shelf. And stop the madness. It’s really that simple. And maybe just maybe this will be my time.
SO I am back, slowly and one meal, one snack, and one day at a time. And slowly the semi good days will be better and then they will great days, which will turn into weeks, and then yep months and onto years. It kills me to think about how far I had gone and I just turned around and went back to the old me. I couldn’t say NO. If I could have stuck with it I would be at my goal weight buying new winter clothes. Not wondering what I am going to wear when it gets colder.
When I was 16 I was probably slightly over weight. But I was confident in myself, and I liked who I was, even if I thought then that I needed to lose 20 pounds. What happened to that girl? When I moved I didn’t know anyone, and I was VERY lonely. And as I have learned when I get lonely I eat. And I did and I gained 25 pounds! And I became someone I didn’t know, someone that wasn’t me. I like to do new things and do crazy things. My husband lives a full life everyday and attacks everything 110% with whatever he is faced with. I was there once right along side him, now I lag behind and worry about what I look like, if I could really do it, could I hold my weight, could it hold me? These questions all go through my mind. I miss me. I’ve read from other weight lose bloggers out there about the confidence and strength that they found as they lost weight. I’m looking forward to seeing how strong I can be, and what it will take of me to get healthy for good. And everything that I will learn about myself on the way, it’s going to be a long road. It didn’t take 6 months to put on the weight on; it’s defiantly not going to be that easy to take it off. I have to re-train myself about the way that I think about me, life, food, and what really matters. It’s a self discovery road. If you ever looked out the window on a plane 30,000 ft above ground, you’d see millions of roads, trails, paths all leading to somewhere. I just have to find the one that leads me to me again.
I’m not feeling sorry for myself any more. This is the time.
Thanks for being the ear. Goodnight all.
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